


Atonement

by GloriaVictoria



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Apologies, Enemies to Lovers, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Mistakes, Secret Crush, Semi-Public Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 00:47:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15352506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloriaVictoria/pseuds/GloriaVictoria
Summary: Newt tries to apologize for hurting Hermann feelings and accidentally sends him self-insert smut instead. How embarrassing. Maybe he can atone some other way...





	Atonement

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I ripped off the sex scene from Atonement and slapped Pacific Rim on top of it, mixed in some millennial references, and this happened. Enjoy. #Ladderdome

Newt hadn’t meant to send it -- in fact, he’d meant to delete it. He hadn’t written smutty stories about anyone in over ten years, not since he’d self-inserted himself into a threesome with Jeff Goldblum and Sinead O’Connor. He hadn’t meant to write it at all, but well...dammit, he needed something,  _ anything _ to make himself feel better after the shitfest of an afternoon he’d had. Nobody was supposed to see it, especially not Hermann, but of course life had to take another massive dump on him. He sat back in his swivel chair with his head in his hands, thinking back to how he’d gotten here at all…

A mostly uneventful day in the lab had gone south fast after Hermann had returned from a K-Science debriefing -- a meeting that had completely slipped Newton’s mind until Hermann walked through the door. He cursed inwardly, knowing full well that he had one hell of a verbal thrashing coming his way, but to his surprise Hermann merely moved past him, gently laying his briefcase on his desk without a word. Newt knew that he’d royally pissed Hermann off, and he really couldn’t blame him for feeling that way; the meeting  _ had _ been important. They’d collected a lot of data between them since the Knifehead attack, and the pilots needed the update. Forgetting the meeting meant the Hermann likely had to either forego the Kaiju data entirely, or attempt to bullshit the information from the bits and pieces Newt screamed at him from his side of the laboratory. Bracing himself for the blast, he swallowed hard and tried to engage Hermann.

“Um...hey, man.” Newt figured he may as well trigger the inevitable argument, get it out of the way. “How’d the meeting go?” Hermann stood quietly for a while, his fingers tightening so hard around the handle of his cane that his knuckles went white.

“If your goal...was to  _ humiliate  _ me in front of a group of seasoned Jaeger pilots, my  _ superiors, _ and most of J-Tech, well…” Hermann scoffed. “I daresay the meeting went off without a hitch.”

“Awww, come on, Hermann. It couldn’t have been that bad, you’re--”

“How would  _ you _ know?” Hermann answered through clenched teeth. “You were not  _ there. _ ”

“Yeah, Herms, but -- I mean, look, it’s just a debriefing, they’ll get a copy of my notes later and--”

“ _ That’s not the point!!”  _ Hermann whirled on Newt, his eyes blazing and his cheeks flushed. “You are half of this department! Fifty percent! You should have come with me, but of  _ course _ you forgot, you shiftless, brainless,  _ useless-- _ ”

“Hey!” Newt interjected, unable to stop himself. “One meeting isn’t something worth crawling up my ass about! Goddamn!” He crossed his arms. “Besides, they take you more seriously anyway.” 

“Oh, do they  _ really _ ?” Hermann let out a bitter laugh. “They barely listen to me, Newton. All they want to hear about is  _ your  _ research, all that glamorous Kaiju science. I crunch numbers and tell them how long they have until the next opportunity for destruction. Do you  _ really  _ think they care to hear me explain that?”

Here, Newt should have taken his boot off and shoved it directly into his big idiot mouth, but he didn’t.

“Hey, it’s not my fault I’m a rockstar and you’re a grandpa!” Hermann stopped in his tracks for a moment, looking at Newt as if he’d just slapped him in the face. 

“You don’t respect me at all, do you, Newton Geiszler? You just think I’m a big joke.” Hermann smiled thinly, his eyes gleaming all of a sudden and sending a pang of instant regret through Newt’s chest. “All you had to do was say so.” With that, Hermann had left the room, his gait more labored than before.

That’s when Newt had decided to go home early, get a stiff drink -- well,  _ several _ stiff drinks -- from the Kaidonovsky’s secret stash, and settle in front of his personal laptop, scrolling through forums and getting wasted.  _ That  _ was when he’d gotten the idea to write.

Despite what Hermann thought, Newt  _ did  _ respect him, a great deal. He felt a lot of things for Hermann: respect, admiration, frustration, and a hearty helping of lust. Maybe the bootlegged vodka had made a difference in his mood, but that lust had overtaken everything else inside him, and before long Newt had filled nearly six typed pages with some of the lewdest, most perverse fantasies he'd ever had about Hermann Gottlieb and, of course, himself. He never made it to the end, but he did jerk off in the shower before passing out in his bed, his computer screen casting a pale glow over his room.

Truth was, Newt  _ loved _ Hermann, but he knew they’d never be happy. Even if by some wild stroke of luck he managed to get Hermann in bed with him, he expected an explosive aftermath that would shatter any hope of an amicable relationship. In fact, he almost preferred things this way: he could entertain these thoughts in private, while maintaining his tenuous work friendship with Hermann uninhibited. The worst thing he could do is chase Hermann away. He didn’t think he could make it through this goddamn apocalypse without him. 

The next morning, he resolved to apologize. He knew that he’d genuinely hurt Hermann’s feelings, him and his big fuckin’ mouth. Hermann wouldn’t let him do it in person, and they had the day off, so he didn’t have a chance of meeting him at work. He’d just write him an email -- Hermann could choose to read it or ignore it, and life could go on. At least this way, Newt could work without his guilt gnawing away at his insides.

_ Hermann,  _

_ Look, man, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I should have went to the stupid meeting. You’re right -- I just forgot like a dumbass. Can we move past this? I owe you a really good cup of tea or some sudoku books or something.  _

_ Newt _

That last sentence sounded kind of disingenuous, but Hermann probably expected that from him. If he didn’t throw in some deprecating humor, was it  _ really  _ a Newton Geiszler email? Before he could hit send, his cell phone rang and he grumbled, fishing it out of his pocket. 

“Yep? Uh, yeah. Of course I put it back.” Sasha -- or was it Aleksis? -- Kaidonovsky griped into his ear, something about misplacing the bottle of vodka after he snuck some out the night before. “No, no, I am positive I put it back, dude!” 

From there, things went horribly wrong horribly fast. For some odd fucking reason, he had typed up his smutty story in an email window, rather than pulling up a document. Maybe he’d planned on sending it to one of his friends as a stupid joke -- he’d done dumber things while drunk. As he argued with Kaidonovsky, he hit “Send All”. As he did, time seemed to slow to a crawl as he watched himself make one of the most dumbass mistakes he’d ever made.

“...Fuck. Oh no. Oh...ohhhh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” He hung up his phone and tried desperately to recall the email, but he’d already lost the messages to the void. Newt felt the blood drain from his face and his whole body tingle with a mixture of shame and fear. Hermann would read this shit and then -- and then -- fuck, he couldn’t even  _ imagine _ what he’d brought down on himself  _ now. _

He had to get out of here. No doubt as soon as Hermann read that email, he’d come storming down to his room and demand an explanation, and he did  _ not  _ want that. Frankly, he  _ couldn't _ have that -- how could he explain himself and still maintain any semblance of dignity? Newt hurriedly dressed and grabbed his bag, rushing out to the lab. If he went to work, how could he broach such an embarrassing topic? He’d have to wait, and maybe if Newt waited long enough, he’d never have to deal with it. That’s how adults deal with problems, right? Avoid them and hope they go away? 

Newt opened the door and came face to face with Hermann, and he felt his stomach drop to the floor. “H-hermann…” 

“Newton.” Hermann replied, his eyes stern and his cheeks tinged red -- Newt could guess why. Dammit, he should have guessed. Hermann checked his email probably forty times a day. “Is this a bad time?” 

“No I -- yeah, I just, uh--” Newt's brain short-circuited, his half-baked explanations all flying from his mind. “You, uh…need something?” 

“I believe you know why I'm here.” Hermann raised an eyebrow. 

“Um, yeah…” This entire situation felt like a terrible nightmare, like the ones he'd have in middle school where he came to school naked or failed a test he knew he'd aced -- only in those dreams, he hadn't humiliated himself in front of the man he loved.

“I hadn't known my ass was so 'delicious’, Newton. Please, elucidate further.” Hermann smirked. 

“Man, just…” Newt sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Ease up on me, okay? I didn't mean it.” 

“Oh, I see. Another one of your jokes?” Newt didn't answer, simply stared into Hermann's eyes. Hermann stared right back in silence. Newt sensed a strange heat to his gaze, and if he didn't know better, Hermann had leaned closer, ever-so-slightly. 

“No, it -- I got drunk last night and -- sometimes I write these dumb stories, they don't mean anything.” 

“Nothing?” Hermann put a hand on his hip. "Is that right?”

“Yes. I meant to send an apology for how I spoke to you yesterday and I accidentally sent everything in my draft box. I'm sorry. You were never… meant to see  _ any  _ of that.”

“Well, I did.” Hermann cleared his throat. “'Strong and graceful fingers’ amused me. I think my favorite went something like this: 'He couldn't wait to devour his throbbing--’”

“ _ Hermann,  _ I said I was sorry.”

“Yes. I heard you. I suppose that is the end of the conversation.” Hermann answered, his eyes still locked on Newton. What game had Hermann decided to play here? “Good day, Newton.” With that, Hermann turned and began to walk away, but not before shooting another glance his way. 

Without even thinking about the consequences, Newt followed.

Hermann led him down the hall, keeping just enough distance between himself and Newton to avoid touch, as if deliberately taunting him. No,  _ not  _ “as if”. Hermann wanted him here. Perhaps he had some horrible revenge planned, some embarrassing surprise that would ruin his day. Nevertheless, Newt continued to follow, all the way down to their laboratory. 

Newt waited until Hermann walked inside before ducking in after him, his eyes wandering over the room, looking for signs of a planned ambush. When he found none, he searched for traps instead. 

“Newton. I read your email five minutes ago. Do you honestly think I had time to set a trap for you in here?” Hermann snorted. “Do you think I'd have wasted my time on that?” Hermann had leaned against his desk, his long fingers wrapping around the lip. Newt tried not to stare at them, focusing instead on the strange tension in the air, the pull of some invisible thread between them.  

“I dunno. I guess I expected revenge. I pissed you off yesterday, then sent you my weird porn, that seems like something you'd--” Newt stopped mid-sentence, deciding instead to focus on the matter of most import. “Did you at least get the apology too?"

“Clearly. I simply _must_ take you up on the sudoku. How charming.” Another long, impenetrable silence, and Newt felt the pull grow stronger. His feet moved closer, and though he couldn't look Hermann in the eye quite yet, he managed to glance at his expression. Hermann looked...amused.

“So are you mad at me or not?” Newt finally asked, his voice exploding through the room much louder than he intended. 

“I suppose… I should be.” He responded after taking a moment to consider his answer. “And yet I can't help but feel a bit flattered. And… intrigued.” 

“Intrigued.”

“Yes, Newton. Intrigued.” Newt swallowed hard, and before he could stop himself he'd backed Hermann up slowly against the ladder attached to his enormous chalkboard. His movements came like water trickling down a cliffside, calm and slow and natural: a palm on Hermann's cheek, a knee pressed between his legs, his lips brushed against his neck. Hermann let out a soft whimper that went straight to Newt's groin, and he gasped as Hermann captured his mouth with his own. 

The kiss bloomed through Newt's body, the heat and the soft slide of Hermann's lips against his sending a bolt of sensation through his entire body. He kissed back, and Hermann kissed harder, until they had grabbed each other by the hair and turned it into a clash of teeth and tongue. Hermann used one hand to cling onto the rung behind him for support, and Newt helped lift him up so that he could sit, removing the risk of overworking his bad leg. 

“Newton…” Hermann whispered, dusting his jaw with kisses and caressing the back of his neck with his fingers. Newt shivered and nudged Hermann's head to the side, exposing his neck. 

“Yeah?” 

“In your story, you wrote... Do you really...think I’m--”

“Beautiful?” 

“Yes.” Hermann spoke against Newton's hair as he kissed his way down the pale column of his neck. 

“Yeah, I do.” Newt muttered before sucking a bruise into Hermann's skin. Hermann gasped and clung to Newt, hooking his good leg around his thigh.

“W-why?” Hermann moaned, and Newt looked up at him, their faces nearly touching and his breath coming in soft pants. 

“The fuck kind of question is that?” He asked incredulously, but the look on Hermann's face demanded an answer. He saw in Hermann's eyes a look of disbelief and shame that he had to disperse. “Because, Hermann, you -- you are. You're...you're just…” 

“So eloquent.” Hermann mumbled, and Newt sighed , burying his face in Hermann's neck as he inched his fingers beneath the waistband of Hermann's pants. 

“Fuck, Hermann, not everything is a goddamn formula. Just...everything about you.” Newt snorted. “The limit does not exist.”

“Did you seriously just quote Mean Girls to me?” Hermann laughed breathlessly as Newts fingers inched up his torso. 

“Maybe. Did you just laugh at a Mean Girls reference?” Hermann didn't answer; his mouth was too preoccupied with panting as Newt found one of his nipples and teased it with his finger tips. 

“S-somebody could...walk in any time, N-newton.” Hermann finally seemed to have come back to his senses for a moment. Newt needed to fix that. 

“Yeah, well… they can turn around if they don't wanna watch.” Newt grinned perversely and unzipped Hermann's trousers, brushing his fingers against the front of his underwear. He relished the whine that pushed itself through Hermann's lips, the arch of his back. Goddamn, how long had it been since someone touched Hermann this way? Had  _ anyone _ ?

“ _ Newton, please… _ ” Hermann ground out in a voice somewhere between frustration and need, and Newt couldn't help but oblige. 

“Pants.” He replied, and Hermann hastily kicked his slacks off, allowing Newt to peel his boxer briefs away before unzipping his own increasingly tight jeans. He knew if he proceeded this way, he risked hurting Hermann, and yet Hermann didn't seem to give a flying fuck about having a perfectly comfortable experience -- especially given they way he continued to yank Newt's hair and plead into his ear. “What about--” He began, but Hermann smashed his mouth against Newt's again, and he figured continuing that conversation wouldn't make much difference. 

“I'm sure… you've done this without lubricant before.” 

“Hell yeah I have, but have you?” Hermann laughed out loud. 

“I see. You think I've never done this at all, don't you?” 

“I dunno.” Newt shrugged and grinned sheepishly. “It'd be kinda hot if I was your first time.” 

“I want you to  _ fuck _ me, Newton.  _ Now.”  _

_ “Yes, sir.”  _ Newton breathed against Hermann's lips and stuck two of his fingers into his mouth, wetting them sufficiently before sliding them inside Hermann. The noise Hermann made sent a full body shiver through Newt, and he made quick work of opening him, scissoring and curling his fingers and enjoying very much the way Hermann pressed his hips against him with need. 

“Ah! Newton,  _ now! _ ” Hermann finally commanded, and Newt spat in his hand, swiping it over himself before bracing one foot on the ladder, grabbing Hermann's hips and pushing inside. Newt felt a groan of relief tear through his throat as he buried himself inside of Hermann, and couldn't help but feel a sense of disbelief. He'd managed to find himself fucking Hermann raw in the middle of their laboratory, on his goddamn  _ ladder _ , of all things, and as he looked up at Hermann's head leaned back against the rungs, his eyes fluttering closed, he felt his heart rush up to his throat.

“I love you, Hermann.” He whispered before he could stop himself, and Hermann's gaze snapped back down to Newton's. They found themselves locked to each other's eyes as Newt grew still inside of Hermann, both adjusting to the feeling of it, both distracted by what Newt had just allowed himself to say. Hermann leaned forward, just enough to press his forehead to Newton's, running his slender fingers through his hair. 

“I love you, Newton.” He answered, just as quietly, and pulled him into a soft kiss, one more plaintive and passionate than any Hermann had given him thus far. Newt felt his eyes sting as he continued moving inside of Hermann, slowly thrusting in and out, closing his eyes and letting all of the emotion and sensation flow through him like hot lava.

It had clearly been a long time for both of them, because it only took a few minutes for them to completely lose control of themselves, clinging to each other for dear life and yelling moans into the otherwise silent laboratory. Newt pressed a dozen kisses to Hermann's lips and neck, tasting the salt of his sweat and relishing the heat of his skin as Hermann grasped his hair and clawed at his back, sending waves of pain through him that only amplified his pleasure.

“H-hermann…” Newt groaned, his grip tightening on his hips as he stiffened and came. Hermann followed close behind, completely soiling his shirt and sweater vest. 

“Newton…” Hermann carded his fingers through Newt's hair, damp with sweat. “I love you.” He repeated, pulling Newt's hand to his lips and whispering it against his palm.  _ “I love you.”  _ Newt smiled, swallowing the lump rising to his throat. 

“So have I sufficiently atoned?” He murmured, kissing Hermann's sharp jawline and nuzzling his neck. 

“Mm. Not quite. I shall have to shove  _ you  _ against  the ladder next time. This is….terribly uncomfortable now that I'm thinking about it.” 

Newt chuckled and buried his face in Hermann's shoulder, breathing in his smell.

“This...isn't over, right?” He asked tentatively, dreading the answer for a split second. 

“No, of course not, you silly fool.” Hermann kissed the top of Newton's head. “It's only just begun.”


End file.
